...Spider!

I was driving up Rockville Pike last week, and casually flipped down my visor because the sun had moved just low enough in the sky to warrant use. I was horrified to see a large (large to me, at least, about dime-sized), black jumping spider clinging to the edge. Before I could figure out what to do, he panicked as the sight of ME, and began quickly lowering himself to the ground via web. But it was not ground below, it was my lap. As much as I hate to admit I can be a girlie-girl, it was MY turn to panic. I slammed the visor shut, smushing and smushing it closed, over and over as hard as I could, hoping I killed the poor  sucker... but the whole time knowing from experience that they are FAST and pretty hard to smush. 

When I got to the next red light, I opened the visor just a crack to peek at my handiwork, but that was a BIG mistake. All I saw in that flash of a moment was Mr. Spider falling off of the visor and right onto my lap. Shrieking out loud while simultaneously hip thrusting and quickly sweeping my new-found lap contents to the floor, I carefully (at least I tried!) pulled out of traffic and into the next parking lot I could find--legally (that's how I remember it!) and calmly (grain of salt here!), using signals observing all traffic laws ... of COURSE! But I was viciously stomping my feet and kicking my legs in fits all the while to hopefully discourage any climbing (of me!) by the spider I had hoped I had finally killed and then knocked to the floormat. 

So when the car had come to a complete stop (I think--or at least slow enough--I have seen enough Dukes of Hazzard in my day to know it can be done!) I jumped out of the car like the Griswold family in National Lampoon's Vacation when they realized they were riding with their dead Aunt. I was out of there. I danced around quite a bit in that parking lot, afraid the sucker may have begun climbing back up (much to the amusement of a cleaning crew in the nearby building that was taking a smoke break). I stood there next to the car for a few minutes, realizing there was NO WAY I was getting back in there without positive ID on a dead spider body, and since I wanted to actually get home sometime soon, I bit the bullet and went to work. 

I found the spider on the floormat, mortally wounded, so I finished him off with my boot heel (...because that's just the kind of humanitarian I am). I was SO GLAD to be able to drive home without wondering where he went, if he was angry, injured, or perhaps hungry and ready to eat my foot. Had I not gotten him out of there, I would have thought every little tickly sensation was Mr. Spider enacting his revenge--would have driven me mad. All that said, I do appreciate their work, eating other annoying bugs and being such an integral part of the cycle of life, but when one crosses my path, it just might become a case of him or me.